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Our House - The Madness Musical - Full West End Show - 2003

She's In The Army Now • Jamie Lee Curtis, Melanie Griffith, Kathleen Quinlan (1981)

Thriller - Series 1 - E09 - The Eyes Have It

Porridge The Movie 1979

Peter O'Toole, Alastair Sim Thriller Full Movie | Rogue Male (1976)

Breakthrough | Full Action Movie

Element of Doubt (1998). Starring Nigel Havers and Gina McKee.

Ed Sheeran Best of 

The Good Old Days - 4th March 1976 (featuring Ken Dodd)

Opry Video Classics Honky Tonk Heroes

Suspicion | Full HD Movies

"Buffalo Soldiers" 1997 Western U.S. 10th Cavalry

TV-Movie

My Nan used to say, “You are what you eat…”

She was a huge fan of Indian bread…

I hate how everyone tells you not to buy yourself anything in the run up to Christmas...

I'm bloody starving...

The wife told me the cat needed to be chipped….

I only had a 9 iron but I still got it over the shed…

Customs took away my fortified wine...

I've been de-ported...

Yes, that bloke who invented the invisibility cloak had his 15 minutes of fame, but where is he now…

Twenty seconds left on the microwave:

Women: Lay the table, pour the drinks, tidy hair…

Men: Start a NASA rocket launch countdown…

What was Bob The Builder called when he retired...

Bob...

Premature Treejaculation...

The act of putting your Christmas tree up in any month other than December…

I used to date a girl who was one of twins…

People asked me how I could tell them apart but it was easy, Her brother had a beard…

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 50 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.